30 years
by hunterintrenchcoat
Summary: 30 years have passed since Mary's death and Dean visits her grave.


_I've written this for the 30th anniversary of Mary Winchester's death._

* * *

30 years.

30 years have passed.

Dean hardly believes it's been 30 years since his beloved mother has gone. It makes him feel terribly old, even if he's not really that old.

Dean is driving east in his Impala and there's a comfortable silence except for the steady rumbling of the engine and Cas' comforting breathing from the passenger seat. He reaches for his hand that's resting on his thigh and he squeezes it gently as the newly human turns to face him and smiles warmly without saying anything.

Castiel knows which day it is and he's promised himself to stay close to Dean as much as he can, that's why he accepted to go with him, even if he doesn't really know where they're heading to. He raises his hand, which is intertwined with Dean's, and gently kisses his knuckles, lingering on the skin in a soothing gesture, which makes Dean sigh and smile happily.

They drive for a long time, around 3 hours, and it's already dark by the time they finally enter Lawrence, Kansas. Dean pulls the Impala to the side in the middle of a small field surrounded by trees and Castiel notices some gravestones on the right which are adorned with flowers.

"I'll be right back, just stay here, okay?" Dean says, briefly kissing the back of Castiel's hand before placing the keys of the Impala in his palm, "Here. If you need anything." Castiel nods and the hunter gets out of the car, closing the door behind him.

It's dark but it doesn't matter, he perfectly knows where Mary's grave is, even if he hasn't seen it for a long time. He doesn't have flowers, it's not really his thing to bring flowers to a grave, but just being here it's enough for him. The last time he's been in this graveyard, he even refused to stay.

A lot of things have changed since then.

Dean sits right in front of the grave and even the stone shows off the 30 years that have passed: there's a bit of dirt here and there and the silver letters that form Mary's name are a bit greenish and smeared.

It takes him a while to say something and when he finds his voice, he's not really surprised that it comes out broken. "Hi, mum. I know it's...it's been a while since I've last been here. I remember what I did then and I'm sorry."

His gaze darts up, more because he's trying hard (and quite uselessly) to fight back the tears. "You know I've...I don't know why, but I felt the urge to come here today. I mean, it's...it's been 30 years." he clears his throat, "A lot of things changed in all these years."

He picks at a few thin grass leaves before going on. "We started the apocalypse." he laughs, even if there's no amusement in his laughter, "And we even stopped it. Cleaning up our own messes, as always. I've been in Purgatory too but, yeah, I'm not here to talk about this crap."

A owl hoots in the distance and he briefly listens to it to relax himself a bit, "Sam's quite fine and we've got a home. Well, sort of. It's a bunker. Henry kinda drove us there. You know, dad's dad. I mean, our grandad." he shakes his head to clear his mind, "And..."

He glances back at the Impala and sees the shadow of Castiel inside, "I've...he's..." he sucks in a breath and clears his throat again to get rid of the ridiculous lump he's got there, "He's Castiel. He's, well he was, an angel. He's human now, but he's still kicking asses like he used to."

He stays silent for a while as tears start running down his cheeks and drop onto the grass, "I wish you were still here, mum. I'd like you to meet him, you know? He's amazing and..." he swallows since certain words are hard to get out of his mouth.

"I...he's...I mean...I love him." he spits it out quickly and bites his own lip, "I love him so much sometimes it scares me. I'm scared, mum. I'm scared he'll leave me like you and dad did. I hate thinking about this but I can't help it. I'm trying my best to protect him but I'm scared of failing."

He sniffles and wipes the tears off his cheeks with his fingertips, "I'm scared and sometimes it just, I don't know, prevents me to feel completely happy. Not that I'm not happy, really, I am. I just...it's stronger than me."

"I'm not leaving you, Dean." a voice comes from behind him but he doesn't move. A rustle of clothes follows as a warm body kneels behind him and two strong arms circles his waist. "I know that being human makes everything more difficult but I'll do my best."

Dean leans back against who he knows is Castiel and places his hands on top of his as the former angel cradles him gently and kisses away the wet on his cheeks until the tears finally stop. They both remain silent until Dean sighs and says, "Cas. Don't leave me. I need you." and Castiel shifts a bit behind him before placing a kiss on his temple. He doesn't answer though and Dean wonders why until he hears his gravelly voice again, "Hello, Mary. I'm Castiel. I'm in love with Dean, I've been for a long time and I swear to you here, I won't leave him."


End file.
